A Story from Ang...
How many of ya'll like grilling? It's a great thing to do for a group get-together. All of our teaching staff had a potluck/bbq today which was a lot of fun. But today I learned a memorable life lesson about the art of grilling. If you want to know the secret, read on.
To set the scene: There is one bulky, able-bodied western man, a true grilling machine, who is ready to tackle this task. Standing just a few feet away are two short, tiny little foreign hired help who are from a third world country, who speak little to no English and who have to be there upon the rental agreement of the apartment.
Just minutes before these two little men were seen fiddling quizzically with this thing called a grill trying to turn it on. They announced that there was no gas; the tank was empty. After fifteen minutes more, it was discovered that there is an on/off switch. Next it was learned how to turn use these innovative things called knobs. Around these three men are about twelve hungry teachers who have been waiting anxiously to cook the food and have already been waiting for one hour for the rented bbq to even arrive to the party.
Now, here are the secret tips to the sacred art of grilling:
1st- Keep in mind that a grill is by no means to get dirty, so one must cover it with tinfoil- the thinner the better.
2nd- When trying to get the flames going, it is best to pour about 10-20 tablespoons of oil in the grill as to really maximize the number of smoke alarms that should be going off but are not.
3rd- Now that the flames are going and there is an attempt to cook the burgers, do try to flip them from the flimsy tinfoil without ripping it to shreds. If you contort your face, it will really help.
4th- Oh no! The flimsy tinfoil is sticking to the burgers. What a surprise! Now, make a desperate attempt to get the tinfoil off the burgers, and try to put them on the grill itself to keep them cooking without the little men seeing you.
5th- Quick! Cover your eyes! The leftover oil is now creating three foot flames. Fabulous! Take a moment to breathe as all of your staff are all yelling out brilliant suggestions of how to combat the ferocious flames.
6th- Don't blind yourself from the situation for too long as you will now need to pull out your kungfu moves (Jackie Chan style) to bat off the two little men who are panicking and trying to overtake the tongs from your hand in an arm-wrestling fashion. Getting the grill dirty is strictly unacceptable. So are big flames. You should know that. Bad boy.
7th- Throw up your hands and admit that your kungfu moves aren't as hot as you thought and that these two little men obviously know better than you. Carefully, back away from the grill with your hands lifted in the proper position of surrender. Give the grilling authority back to the two little short men who aren't even sure if this is a grill or not. Watch them scamper off with bucket in hand to the nearest water source.
8th- Cover your mouth and try not to let your horrified gasp be so obvious as you watch the two little scampering men scoop up water into their bucket from the pool in good ole' fashioned teamwork kind of way. Next, feel your heart stop and panic run through your bulging veins as you watch the two little men dip a rag into the newly scooped pool water, ring it out, and then begin the fierce washing down and scrubbing process of the hot grill with the dirty, peed in, chlorinated water. Perhaps covering your ears to block out the foul words that are protruding (or even accidentally stumbling out) from other peoples' mouths during this moment of horror would be a good idea.
9th- Resume cooking?
10th- Replay the steps in your mind, especially the mad dash to the pool and "clean" chlorinated scrub down.
